i'm_going tessa here I'm stuck going round and round the same thoughts, conversations over and over I'm tired of it I want to stop I want to end my denial stop looking for things that are long dead I am going away far far from here he said "there's no point running away" but surely sometimes running away is the best thing to do after you have fought and fought and nothing changes maybe it is my staying is what is keeping it going maybe I just have to walk away it is worth a try Maybe far away things will be different maybe they won't 060924 ... tessa it's a matter of facing my fears being so scared of change as I am I feel that the best thing to do is embrace it make a massive change uproot everything force it on myself am I just trying to cheat the process? by making the change myself, I manage to feel in control of it. How can I let myself accept that I will never be in control? That it will happen without be, despite me? 060924 ... tessa i'm going and i'm taking as many other with me as i can wanna come? 060924 ... flux curious http://www.hermetic.com/bey/taz3.html#labelTheWillToPower or, as the subgenius say, "repent! quit your job! slack off! the world ends tomorrow, and YOU may die!" i've contemplated this option, but i don't think it's for me. i think it's as important to affect the system, as it is to adapt myself, and my surroundings. 060927 ... pilot slowly so that i will slip away in silence and not one word will be uttered from your lips before you will have realized that i have disappeared. 060927 what's it to you? who go blather from