cusp raze there's a certain feeling that dreams are capable of imparting. you dream something that's intricate, epic & ultimately tragic. when you wake up, you either don't remember what you dreamt, or what you're able to recall doesn't make much sense. but you're left with this distant sadness, as if you had lived what you dreamt, though you can't understand why you would be left feeling the way you do. it isn't something that dissipates quickly, either; while what you're left feeling seems only half-formed, it lingers, tugging at your insides, & you sometimes find yourself consumed by it. not that you're still attempting to piece together some kind of logic or relive what brought you to this place. it's more of a wistful glow. because what you saw or experienced was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking, & something inside of you has shifted or changed, albeit subtly so. i want to make music that sounds like that. 050309 ... belly fire Here, a perfect word to describe everything as it stands for me now. Everything so very - on the cusp - of something else. Friendships seemingly on the cusp of evaporation. A mother on the cusp of (what's a gentle word for dementia? ah, yes) madness. I dare not think of what my father approaches. The cusp of a marriage, the cusp of a profession, the cusp of a mortgage. I sit, waiting, forever on the cusp of life. My mother does not seem to appreciate this; she is too distracted with the fever of wanting to die. 050310 ... no reason it's all about the fleeting 050310 ... unhinged there is no edge for me to hover on; i am solidly stuck in the midst of this shitty life and don't think i haven't tried to pull myself up; i must have shitdump tattooed on my forehead. smile and nod, just keep going on. and hence, the pile gets bigger and bigger. and that's why i've decided to live with things left undone; a good solid relocation always does the trick. 050310 ... no reason she sighed with relief. "i was wondering when you'd answer me!" then she opened her eyes and realized she was talking to herself 111117 ... leahcar I woke myself up this morning arguing with you... Woke myself up from a sound sleep, by yelling "I'm done with this." 111117 ... gja A sleeve rolled once above the cuff. 121120 what's it to you? who go blather from