buried_childhood nr "[dismissive] avoidant attachment has a particular trickiness to it that other insecure patterning doesn't. the very nature of avoidant patterns is perceiving that... 'childhood was fine' (or at least good enough). while [other insecurely attached] types tend to begin to feel largely better while healing, dismissive types tend to feel worse, facing everything that's been 'easier' not to face and seeing the discomfort of depending on others. but on the other side is the love, connection, and stability we really want for ourselves." i exhibit different attachment patterns at different times and for different reasons, but this rings especially true for me. i am going to try here to bring some not-always-fun memories up to the surface and edge closer to the other side. 220426 ... nr e and i became best friends on the first day of senior kindergarten, when i was standing next to her and another girl in line, and i said "these are my two best friends!" to a parent or teacher or some other grown person. i remember the other girl (who i am friends with now) looked uncomfortable, but e was cool with it. and we're still best friends to this day. we were always together even from that young age, and people used to refer to us as the duo "e and nr." that year, our class was putting on a christmas play and we were all sitting in a circle, the teacher assigning parts. she said "in terms of who should play the angel, i think e would be a good choice." one of my classmates said "or nr," associating me with e. but the teacher said something like, "maybe nr, but i think more e.' e was angelic-seeming, with super pale skin, auburn hair, freckles, and a soft voice. and she's always had a bit of a sparkle to her. so it made sense. but that was the most important part in the play, and that was the first time i ever felt inferior to her. 220426 ... nr in grade 7, someone came up to me and said "n likes you. would you go out with him?" i wasn't sure what to think, but i wasn't interested. i thought i'd be nice though and said maybe. they went back to n and told him i'd said maybe. but then they revealed the whole thing had been a joke. i wonder if they'd thought it would be funnier if i'd said yes? i wonder how many kids have been asked out as a joke. 220426 what's it to you? who go blather from