argh tilt oh, i don't know. really, i don't. what to do... what to do... oh, i just don't know. i was happy where we were. i want us to do everything together and this will be the first time for years that we'll be doing different things. *sigh* i just don't know. I have no real choice. it will be worth it, but I don't know if it's what I really want. Or if I am capable.. I don't know if I'll be motivated enough either. I'm just in a doubtful, cautious, scared mood. It takes some getting used to. 080309 ... tessa I wish I had some wonderful wise words which I was sure would help you, but I have no idea how to make decisions myself. I usually just wait till the decision makes itself. But it sounds like you don't actually need a decision? good luck tilt! 080309 ... tilt I'm much better about it now. I still have months to go before it starts, but the nerves are subsiding somewhat. I am committed now anyway. It would be monumentally foolish to change the decision now. 080422 ... tilt and thankyou for the goodluck wish. 080424 ... tilt still nervous.. still nothing I can do. I'll know in two months whether it will be ok or not. stress... nervous... i want to go to sleep all the time... i want you to make it all better i know this isn't constructive. for some reason i just don't know if I can pull myself together this time. oh I'm sure I can. i don't know. sigh. 080909 ... tilt it's still not certain. but at least I'm still here. 090217 ... tilt by the end of april, I'll know whether this has been worth it. I still won't be complete, but april is a big milestone. Speaking of which, I should get back to work, otherwise I'll be blathing about how I threw the chance away blathing and playing games when I should have been working. 090319 ... tilt reading back, it's been hard, but it's possible. I CAN do this. that's something I didn't know this time last year. I am capable. Now I need to get motivated, calm, and happy. 090319 what's it to you? who go blather from