your_curve_is_a_constant_taunt raze you are a carpeted spiral staircase, your corners dark with hair. i'll take the vacuum cleaner to you. we'll see what darkens you then. 130707 ... raze i don't think i'll ever be able to walk down these stairs like a normal person. in fourteen years, this is the one part of the house i haven't learned how to trust. my issues with stairs started in the house before this one, when a hellish drug experience had me convinced i would break my neck if i tried to make it downstairs. but i think this is more than residual anxiety. i'm okay with other stairs. it doesn't matter how steep they are. it doesn't matter how they look at me. it doesn't matter what they say about me behind my back. i think my problem with these stairs is the way they bend. i can't back myself to make it to the bottom of something i can't see the end of. so i punch the floor and sit and slide like a child who hasn't yet learned how to stand but has found other ways of moving through the world. 210908 ... unhinged like the curves of a violin or the mostly nude selfies i have gotten better at taking since the pandemic has kept us separated she sends me pics of her cuddling with her cat and my imagination inserts myself in the photo, the biggest spoon in a cuddle sandwich. in reality he isn't much taller than me but when he wraps his arms around me he feels like a giant. the last time i was pulled close to his chest i said directly in his ear so he couldn't mistake me 'thank you. i need your hugs.' 210908 ... raze i finally cracked the code. i only wish i'd been able to retrain my brain before shredding half a dozen shirts and wearing a hole in the ass of a few pairs of pants. 241008 what's it to you? who go blather from