withdrawal splinken can kill you. 010614 ... junkie bird for whatever i was or wasn't worth to that one i just know that when it was all over, when i found myself alone again. the aching was worse than when the poppies were leaving my blood and it has not subsided 010615 ... kerry the pantry is stocked with poison, the cereal is mocking me, the pistachios are hissing the fridge smells like gas, everything rotting, the suffocating odor of decay eggs filled with dust, the yolks died long ago and there’s almost nothing more disappointing than a peach gone bad… almost. i’m living on a boat but i don’t have my sea legs yet. i want to be the captain and not the crew, to forget that urge to walk the plank. the sun is so bright on the water; it stings my eyes… i’m so far out to sea. when was the last time i saw land? as a child i often had nightmares. i grew out of it, shed the fear of sleep. the night is longer now, the night is violent sweating and shivering like crouching in the corner of an ingmar bergman film (the spider-god is real) in my dreams i look into the mirror and watch myself cut off my hair. a doctor who looks like sigmund freud is interrogating me and i have no answers. i wake up exhausted. i’ve always thought of myself as an honest person but i peek under a rock and there is honesty, giving me the side-eye. it gives me the creeps, makes my skin crawl, though i knew it was lurking somewhere. i dunno about you, it says. are you really ready? you look like hell. 220131 what's it to you? who go blather from