teeter tender_square he smiles and his face glows with an incandescence from within, eyes crinkling; his mellowness is genuine but she doesn’t know what’s prompted it. she searches for connections between introversion and depression, attempting to categorize what she’s seen. whenever he is brighter, she is dimmed, as though the balance of what they’ve become has shifted. she don’t trust his ease. and she can’t help thinking that if he is turning a corner, she will be the one to send him flailing back into the downward spiral. 220813 ... past teeter totter lemon water don't fall in the sink if you do, you might go poo and what will grandma think! 220813 ... raze i never feared falling until i learned to care for myself enough to value my own body and all its baffling circuitry. so many of my bones should have stories to tell you, all about how they were broken and bent against their will. but i only ever hit the deck when some other angry pile of meat and muddled intentions took gravity out of the equation and gave me a hard shove in the back. reflexes and a thorough understanding of the geometry of the room. any room. that's what's saved me more times than i can count. that, and luck. luck isn't why i'm here, though. i chalk it up to a combination of stubbornness, resilience, and being a quick healer. i get it from my father, who got it from his mother, who got it from her mother, who got it from who knows where. i think she gathered it out of nothing and found a way to make it flourish in a dry, unforgiving climate. maybe that's why i've always loved the weeds that are pretty enough to pass for flowers. i know what it is to be wild and unwanted, and to go on growing anyway. it's in my blood. i'm green alkanet. i'm wood sorrel. i'm lesser celandine. i'm enchanter's nightshade. just try and get rid of me. 220813 ... insouciant I thought I had been building a stable base to rest and grow. Turns out one of my supports was made out of cork, and when I tried to put some weight on it, it shattered. To my surprise I had overused this materal and now my base is constantly swaying, trying to knock me off with every new sway. Every day seems like a question of how much rocking I can sustain while trying to replace every piece of cork, which it turns out, is a dumb material choice for foundations. 220815 what's it to you? who go blather from