crossword_puzzles kerry i did them at work all the time, first at the pizza place where i met people who would save my life and people who later turned their backs on me. ryan could finish them on his own in a single shift so it was all friendly competition–don’t be too proud of yourself for polishing off monday’s puzzle, don’t you know that’s the easiest one? just you wait until sunday! at the second dispensary i had to be sneaky about it, or wait until there were no more joints left to roll and the lobby was empty, except maybe ron who only came for the free coffee and to rest his bones. we only got the local paper so the crosswords were too easy to really be satisfying. at the first dispensary my coworkers started saving the newspapers for me, and i felt very loved and known when i’d find it folded by the computer when i came to work, and one morning when i came in to find the coffee pot empty and nearly started crying, from then on, whenever i arrived on my bike all bleary-eyed diana always said, don’t worry, we’ve got the coffee brewing for you. when no one was in the shop i’d be scanning the clues in the bud room, and daniel would come stand by me and help or sometimes when i left the room he’d fill in a word for me and then apologize for interfering. i started to get kind of a feeling or a sense about him, he was always smiling so wide at me even when megan complained about him being a grumpy asshole, and he was sweet and often funny but too much younger than me, and very very blond and kind of meaty. he really did stand so close but maybe i didn’t realize how close and what that meant, since i was too busy waiting for nate to sit close to me and look at me like i’m a map or a distant smoke signal. it was all shattered when daniel sent me that text confessing how he really felt and i regretted having a beer with him that one time, as if i’d done something wrong or led him on, when really i’d just become an adult, a person who could have a beer with whoever and naively expect to just drink and talk platonically. when i finally saw him by the river he looked a little pitiful. he was wearing a scarf and i’d never seen him in a scarf, and i was wearing the heavy canvas jacket i bought for iceland, and i had to give him a hug as almost an apology for not feeling the way about him that he felt about me. i wouldn’t do that today. 211209 what's it to you? who go blather from