anesthesia maruku what's in this here needle is darkness. 010524 ... unhinged hey...HEY doc..wait a second...i'm not asleep yet...oh geez...you could have waited five more seconds before you taped my butt cheek to the operating table. 010524 ... nocturnal ouch. 010524 ... kerry the anesthesiologist's name was virginia. she wore a scrub hat printed with cup o noodles and looked directly into my eyes. her smile seemed genuine. she asked how i was and i said nervous and she said that's normal. she took my hand. a pinch and a burn, she said. i didn't say this but after so much time spent in doctors offices and hospitals i'm pretty good with needles. my pain tolerance is... robust. it's nothing to brag about but i do anyway. watching everyone rush around in pre-op i tried to remain curious and not anxious. it was 6am and people were coming into work. they were hugging, laughing, getting ready for 24 hours on. many of them were attractive. there was an older guy, tall and gangly with skin like tree bark, who everyone seemed drawn to. there were more anesthesiologists that drifted over to my bed. tom looked afraid of me and didn't get too close. i forget the last one's name. i was starting to get scared and i still don't really know why. when they gave me a filmy little cap and said it was time to roll i wanted to vomit. the woman at the foot of my bed was smiling at me, really gassing me up, and i felt comforted like a child. in the operating room i didn't want to look at anything except my feet. they asked me how i was doing. i said please just knock me out already, laughed a little, and they laughed too and put a blue mask on my face and i didn't even have to count backwards, i hadn't slept in over 24 hours, and the next thing i knew i was in post-op with a very pretty woman standing by my bed and saying what a fantastic job i did as if i'd run a race or done anything at all besides give in and pass out. it's been two days and i'm still hungover from the anesthesia. allie's dad was an anesthesiologist. i never liked her; she tried too hard. i knew her dad made a lot of money and that's why they had such a nice house that practically sparkled inside and all of them, the three kids and their parents, had rosy cheeks and always looked happy and content, and now i think of her dad who finally admitted he was gay and moved into a condo downtown (scandal!) leaning over saying a pinch and a burn and you did a fantastic job, red cheeks and blue eyes. i think i would have liked having him by my bed. 230625 what's it to you? who go blather from