jagged soia I seem to be going absolutely fucking insane. It seems to be happening the same time it happened yesterday, a couple of hours after my pill. I don't want to believe there is a correlation. But I do. Nevertheless, I am about to rant... I cannot stand this. The very suggestion that if I had just not become "a walking breathing self help book" that things could have been fine. Part of me is mad because I feel like he wants me to be unhappy. Part of me is mad because I feel it isn't true. Part of me is mad because I almost wish I had acted miserable when I wasn't- and that is fucked up. All of me is mad because I don't get to go to the show. I am also upset because I will not see him this weekend, or most likely next weekend because of finals (and just because), and then he will be going to hawaii, so I won't see him over winter break. He says I don't need him as a friend any more. Nothing could be less true. No one knows me like he does and no one knows him like I do. I love him. But that doesn't seem to matter at all. I don't know what to do. I know we weren't happy, but that was my fault, and i changed. Doesn't he understand that's why I changed? I wanted to make things better for us, but it's only made them worse. I have no hope of winning no matter what I do. And I feel everything I just built up crumbling around me. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. How am I supposed to believe in myself now? The one thing I thought I could do, the hardest thing, what seemed like the very best thing, has still turned to ruin. How am I not supposed to believe that I am a failure in some way? I feel so bad. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. 010308 ... mikey maybe you changed for the wrong reasons. or maybe you changing was never the real issue or problem. 010308 ... silentbob the pieces of my broken heart the slices of my shattered face 010311 what's it to you? who go blather from