wipers argo We adopted a stray cat. 010220 ... amed and wipe and blather and wipe and blather and wipe and blather and wipe and blather and wipe and blather and wipe and blather and wipe and blather 020403 ... tender_square their conversation picked up right where it left off after running into the store. “i just don’t know where i fit in,” he said. “i’m on the outside.” she waited a beat. she was expected to say something in response; so often she was at a loss for words. “i don’t want that for you, being on the outside,” she said. it seemed obvious to her, but she conveyed it anyway: “i’m trying to involve you and bring you in. what can i do to help?” “sometimes it just feels like you could just be dropped back in here today and everything would be fine for you in ten minutes.” she kept her eyes focused on the road as she drove. “that’s why i say that this process is so much harder for me.” he was always saying how everything was much harder for him. at what point were his difficulties attitudinal? “you know everyone here, you have roots here.” “yes, but i’m *from* here,” she tried to keep the defensiveness from her voice. “of course it’s going to be that way. this is my hometown.” “i lost my hometown.” at this mention, she started to cry quietly; the wipers flicked away the raindrops, her fingers swiped at her eyes. again, she felt powerless. did he toss that fact out to get the upper hand in the discussion? she finally managed to state firmly through her sadness, “i can’t do anything to fix that.” (did he expect her to fix it?) “sometimes, i wonder if this may have more to do with your personality,” she went on. “you have said you’ve always felt you’ve had a harder time fitting in, and i’m not saying that to push this back onto you and make it sound like it’s all your problem,” she clarified. “but rather, i’m saying it could be a bit of both; maybe we could both be doing a better job.” “i wish things weren’t so hard for me,” he lamented. and she wondered how much longer he could go on feeling sorry for himself—at what point was she supposed to challenge him? any time she offered a suggestion, his reaction to her was, “i feel like you’re asking me to just be a different person.” was it true? was she asking him to change everything about himself? she didn’t trust her judgment anymore. she thought about the words her mother said to her earlier that day: “it’s nobody’s fault. it’s just the way things are. these are the men that we married.” 211224 what's it to you? who go blather from