when_i_realized_you_were_dying cr0wl i caught a ride with you in your school bus van, escaping for a reason unclear. we rode along serpentine paths in a different season, not talking as if i was unaware of what i was doing and you were preoccupied. you stopped at a beer distributor and my judgment was shamefully quieted as you stayed seated and i watched you reach down for a jar of some kind of health powder. wordlessly, you unscrewed the lid and scooped out two tablespoons and swallowed the dry substance without water. a friend of yours approached your open window and i could see he had a tumor on his chest, perhaps a thyroid goiter. we drove on and you pulled into a small, clean garage. i asked if you were going back later to where you started and you told me at 2:00. so i decided to stay and take a nap. you left the radio on for me. some kind of talk show. i closed my eyes, but moments later, someone came in, i think it was your wife. she had to get a little paper from the dash. i read it. it said something about a cure and that's when i realized you were dying. 090121 ... unhinged when i found out you were in the hospital from an overdose i locked myself in the applebee's bathroom stall and cried (actually i knew long before that but felt powerless to help you) back then i didn't want to imagine my life without you now i know that look in your eyes was the wisdom of loneliness the thin threads between us that have held me up over the years that even without you i've never stopped thinking about you love it transcends all time and rationality ( in_retrospect the best part of you your_hugs ) 090122 ... PeeT i accepted it. i knew you were going to get your reward. you were an amazing person. 130124 what's it to you? who go blather from