returning_passing past i haven't seen you in a while, and it's been longer since we've talked. it's odd to see you so many times in such a short period (and especially not to talk, but i'm unsure if we could). if i wasn't bone tired, i may react different, but now i'm just quiet, trying to crawl into my own mind, distant, alienating(ed). so hello, you look well, i'll see you again i'm sure. i don't miss the feelings that tumble when i see you, but i may, in the privacy of blather admit, miss their passing. this is love torn away, grown old, world destroyed. i wish you well. 140528 ... past there are blurred margins that unfold in the spaces_between. there is pain in the fractals, each undefined segment being made up of parts just like it, with the emptiness of not-thinking spilling out into infinite not-spaces in my heart. i wonder if i resemble what i was becoming when the first gap entered the world, the first messed up wonderings. or am i becoming the person who, all those years ago, would have been able to hold things together? words reverberate across seconds, years collapse into the non-years they fold around. love has a way of never being extinguished, which makes returning, which makes passing so full of relived passion and heart break. i'm thrown for a loop every time despite the time, the circumstance, the spaces between. but there are auburn words that ring true. if i write of you, it means you were loved. and the non-places emphasize the 'were' which is more its permanent home than the places where it could be present tense. but where there is "were" there is "is." if i write of you at all, it is because you are loved and the absence that is, that is known and desired and always creating itself anew, this absence that is true doesn't empty the feelings that fall beyond the lack. 140529 ... unhinged . he didn't understand why i couldn't stay friends. in that moment it was apparent that my feelings had always been stronger. the pain of that doesn't lessen with time. i am too old to pretend. 140529 ... leif the_spaces_between I will always feel you in this phrase. 140625 ... past i think i saw you today as i made a wrong turn walking past places i used to live. it could have been an illusion or doppleganger considering all the different cities where we've passed and met in the years between. of course this has been one has become my hometown and has always been yours. 220226 ... past each time we pass i feel like i'm inching towards becoming a character in that stars song that came out around the same time that we parted. it's a strange unstable orbit. this passings stand out in their randomness, their geographic diversity, and their fleetingness. almost ten years ago (the encounter that encouraged the original blathe) we did a shot at one of these meetings and i remember how you said "we're getting too old.for this shit." the things that stick with me i guess. always wishing warm thoughts, as each relationship is a step towards who i've become. 220226 what's it to you? who go blather from