piracy daxle this morning I seem to be "arrrrr"ing like a pirate against my will (someone drank my protein drink! arrrr!) (no one will get the door! arrrr!) 020209 ... capn misstree my boi and i turned into pirates and took over a party once it started to die down the other weekend... busted out eye patches and a huge jolly roger flag, tossed on a disc by the "Scurvy Pirates"... everyone was just intoxicated enough that it worked. :) 020209 ... kerry the porch pirates are out of control now. they turn up around christmas, when amazon packages are sitting in front of nearly every door. last winter in point breeze i glanced out the living room window just as someone approached the front steps and knelt down, reached toward the door–it wasn’t the mail carrier, it wasn’t fedex, it wasn’t keith who peddled yogurt and helped everyone on the block shovel snow. I flung the door open and saw him walking away with my package in his arms, and without thinking, without bothering to take off my slippers, i burst outside, hopped down the steps, and chased him. “hey, that’s my package!” he crossed the street at an angle, picking up the pace a bit. “get back here!” one of my neighbors, not someone i knew well, was outside and saw the whole thing. “give the lady back her stuff,” he said. by then i was close, very close to the porch pirate. he wore a knit cap and his face was totally blank, shoulders round. he seemed frozen to the spot. i was furious. i snatched the box out of his hands. “what the fuck do you think you’re doing? what is wrong with you?!” he just muttered. i was still shaking, not satisfied. i looked into his face but he averted his eyes. “i’m going to remember your face,” i said, surprising myself. i know i looked ridiculous, a crazy white lady standing there in her slippers and nubby sweater trying to intimidate this guy. but when i ripped the box open and saw that it was my new shirley jackson book, i felt justified. he probably would have chucked it in the dumpster. 211216 what's it to you? who go blather from