if_you_complain_ amy in red nah, scratch that. if you get paid plenty, and you STILL get to treat life like it's Comic Book Heaven, then, i guess, good for you. i guess the typical trick to that is keep the expenses up so that you still constantly feel like, oh, DANGER DANGER. i think errrm, there was cheating, or that you are busy cheating as we speak. (and i kind of have no stake in infidelity-as-cheating, but rather something bigger, deeper, wider, and frankly, i would rather be so much more innocent or de-crazy about, cuz if i get to die alone, without health insurance, at a young age of cancer, you can bet there will be hurt, resentment, etc, and i will have taken names. i know i'm not supposed to, but sure i take names.) i have no evidence that i haven't cheated, but hey! you could stand to do it a little less, what with the income gap. i don't know why i'm imagining that i'm going to die alone, without health insurance, at a young age of cancer, but there you have it. it would not be me that would exploit emptiness in ambition, vacuity, and loss of rhythm. i would not lead you to further ruin via ye olde creative tarnation.... "what the tarnation?" that's right. i don't at all want a 100% happy ending, but if i only happen upon a 8% happy ending, that's going to leave me with quite the sour, sour, sour feeling. i will milk the 8% but i know what i signed up for and it had something to do with: understanding certain types of injustice. also, you little *puppies* who didn't take the nepenthe, but still followed through with all kinds of negative emotions, i think it's fair to say you were probably making things work, on some level, but maybe for a worse outcome. .....neither means nor ends justified, but at least it was no nullity..... so is there a point to self-exploration in groups? without theory and apparatus? p r o b a b l y . . . (humans in this time, in their current state (????) are very self-destructive. i on an intersocial level when the levels of betrayal are so very, very obvious and point blank black as midnight, but even worse would be a self-recrimination wherein you yourself assume you are of midnight when you, actually, haven't been, you've been, for the most part, unable to adjust, still aware, but hapless, which i think is, more or less, what i am, when i am unable to change something or other, without or within.) i can forgive the error, not the trespass? something like that. OR maybe i'm just psychically picking up on the latest pop-culture phenom and baggage that's taken hold of the nations. i don't even really know if this is actual content or just psychic garbage... at any rate the good news i've uncovered about myself recently is i could stand to lose X amount of weight but not 2X amount of weight. i don't want to cycle up and down because that's completely obnoxious. i want stability. duh and a half. i guess it should be obvious! 120329 what's it to you? who go blather from