happy_birthday_dad
raze
i
think
we've
been
having
the
same
conversation
for
almost
forty
years
now
.
it's
about
people
and
animals
.
it's
about
hope
and
disappointment
.
it's
about
the
past
we
can't
keep
buried
and
the
future
we
can't
quite
bring
into
focus
.
it's
about
our
lives
.
and
i
don't
want
it
to
end
.
today
we
baked
apple
squares
for
the
first
time
.
the
recipe
warned
against
using honeycrisp.
we
ignored
that
advice
.
you
cut
the
apples
down
to
their
cores
and
peeled
them
.
i
sliced
the
exposed
flesh
into
slivers
and
carved
two
sticks
of
butter
into
thin
cubes.
we
did
our
best
to
work
out
the
proper
portions
of
sugar
,
water
,
and
salt
.
i
licked
cinnamon
and
nutmeg
from
my
fingers
and
tasted
something
sharp
and
sweet
that
brought
me
back
to
a
day
before
my
first
memory
was
made
.
you
abandoned
the
rolling pin
to
knead
the
dough
with
your
hands
.
"
does
it
matter
if
it
doesn't
fill
the
pan
completely
?"
i
asked
.
"
no
,"
you
said
. "
as
long
as
we've
got
a
bottom
and
a
top
."
you
built
a
roof
over
an
uneven
but
solid
foundation
.
i
cut
slits
to
let
it
breathe
.
we
left
it
to
cook
and
listened
to
the
lazy
rain
skid
off
of
shingles
and
brick
.
the
sky's
been
doing
that
all
day
.
i
made
our
lunch
on
the
flour-flecked
kitchen
counter.
a
salad
and
salami
on
sourdough
for
me
. honey
maple
ham
for
you
,
with
coleslaw
on
the
side
.
we
didn't
do
much
with
the
day
.
just
sharing
space
was
enough
.
after
dinner
,
we
broke
our
small
, misshapen
apple
pastry
in
half
.
like
everything
else
,
it
didn't
turn
out
the
way
we
thought
it
would
.
parts
of
the
bottom
were
burned
.
the
outer
shell
was
harder
than
we
wanted
it
to
be
.
but
everything
that
lived
between
the
ribs
of
that
noble
failure
was
delicious
.
even
after
playing
a
bit
of
guitar
at
the
edge
of
my
bed
,
i
can
still
smell
the
honeyed
residue
of
what
my
tongue
took
in
through
the
tang
of
bronze
and
tin.
those
were
the
best
apple
squares
i've
ever
had
.
because
we
made
them
together
.
220518
...
kerry
(
i
love
this
.
so
vivid
and
tactile
and
a
pleasure
to
read
in
the
morning
.)
220519
what's it to you?
who
go
blather
from
