everything_in_excess misstree too fast for everything to sink in, memory's faults swallow whole weeks if nothing is vicious or vibrant enough to remain. what am i missing? there are details that sing stories, and i'm gone before they get the first word out. but everything is and can be fasterharderbetter and i've spent my life pining for things to be like this. will i suddenly wake up and realize i've been a damaging force? will i wake to loneliness, to an empire shattered by one well-thrown rock? it furrows my brow between moments, worrying about what must be wrong for things to be so terribly right, whenwhere the balance will manifest. 040108 ... amy i'm starting to think that the self-doubt is not usually the smarter way. (smartyr way?) of course, neither is self-aggrandizement, but at least it is pleasurable which at least makes sense. ha. 040108 ... stoic will i suddenly wake up and realize i've been a damaging force? will i suddenly wake? or am I awake now? and if I now sleep, when I wake, will I regret sleeping? and if I am awake, should I be asleep? And if I wake myself, will the shock be too much, and if I stay lazily asleep will I never wake? will i suddenly wake up and realize i've been a damaging force? thanks misstree for expressing what I feel. . 040202 ... tilt you are you! you in the future will undoubtedly regret what you are doing now, it's inevitable - that bastard has the luxury of hindsight! :) dont worry. you are doing exactly what you should do. 051112 ... nom everything in x's 051113 ... misstree bollocks to regret! how can a future self regret the actions of the past self? it would be like a child regretting the actions of the parent. separate people. as long as the actions of the self are in line with that same self, there is nothing to regret. no regrets. not ever. 051122 ... megan almost anything carried to its logical extreme becomes depressing, if not carcinogenic. 051122 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Testing excesses being a) depressing and/or b) carcinogenic. Let excesses mean "a lot of a thing in a short time." Excess 1, four books about Auschwitz in four months = a) (colloquially, not clinically, but I wouldn't want to make something like this my specialty, even though I'm interested in how art responds to trauma and repression) Excess 2, three desserts in a day = b) (probably, but I don't do this every day) Excess 3, twenty syntax essays to mark in three days = neither? indirectly b)? (because it makes me want sugar) (why do I want sugar) (I don't want everything in excess, just sugar) 240402 what's it to you? who go blather from