downpour_of_my_heart aM i DiStUrBeD? Falling from the sky, The rain that drowns us all, On this dampened surface, I stumble and then fall. Darkening my skies, The gloom falls on my heart, Felling I am slipping under. My life and I soon shall part. As I contemplate my future, My thoughts whirling around my head, Taking now no heed to, What everyone else had said. Putting one foot in, I test the falling rain, Hearing whistles of my past, Soon to be my bain. Slipping into my mind, Swimming hard against the drift. The shade of mentality now smudging. The canvas beginning to shift. Taking over my reason, Your grey clouds filling my heart, Breaking through the skin, Watching the blue air as it departs. Arms and body growing tired, As I swim against this sea. Letting go my grip My hold on reality. Falling ever deeper, Into lands before the time. Forgetting the very purpose, Myself preserved in this rhyme. 040914 ... belly fire These last few weeks have been such a calamity. I am shaken all the way down to my bones. It seemed that when I felt the foundations of my religion start to break, my life came down around it. I have been fighting endlessly with my family, work has been unbearable, and I can't relate to the man I love. I will not blame this on my hormones this time. I can feel a shift inside me that is frightening. No one around me is seeing it. They aren't seeing me. Will this emptiness swallow me? I ask myself if I live for the programs on television, the paycheque each week, the promise of a wedding and new home. Do I live for the trips to Wonderland, the fights with my father, the embarrassment of people finding out I carry a small scrap of my old security blanket in my pocket every day? I have so much in me that I can't begin to let it out. I am overwhelmed. I am sick of hearing it will get better. I think I am defective. 040914 what's it to you? who go blather from