confusion_of_the_self forgive me Met up with an old friend last night. He was drunk when I got to the pub, but I brought us a joint to share anyway. We passed the sweet herb back and forth, and huddled under the blue awning, hiding from the rainy grey of the sky. Later, back inside, talk of my ex (Scott), a mutual friend, arose, and he told me he was mad he hadn't met he first. "You don't...appreciate...how attractive you are." He explained that I was the one everyone was looking for (brains, beauty, humor, creativity, wit, intelligence, kindness, compassion, humility), and how easy it is for a middle-aged man to get sucked into dangerous, overwhelming feelings of passion. That I was too much. I was the one people would give everything up for. Steve had said the exact same thing to me back in August. Reg in June. Scott over the course of our three-year affair. What none of these men seem to realize is that I am a human being. I yearn for that deep overwhelming passionate feeling too, and when I can tell someone has it for me, I *invariably* fall in love. Hard. I fell in love with Sean last night, and fucking my darling all day today I couldn't stop thinking about him, and how he kissed me, and how I showed him my panties, and told me he couldn't stop thinking about them. (Is he still thinking about them this morning?) 121222 ... of course he is. 121222 what's it to you? who go blather from