_feelings_ anomalous i feel bad when i talk about feeling fat around people who are heavier than me, like my older sister and i feel bad when people who are skinny or thin talk about feeling fat, like my mom and oldest sister they tell me i am 'just right', 'pleasantly plump', just 'a little chubby', 'voluptuous' but when i've lost weight, i've gotten 'you look better' comments from my oldest sister and my auntA and others i've felt fat since i was six people used to pull my face and call me 'chubby cheeks', and being called munchy didn't help whenever i see pictures of starving people i feel very very fat when i don't eat i feel guilty for not eating, because the starving people would eat if they could when i write about these feelings i feel petty-minded for thinking and writing this way when i feel this way i feel bad for thnking anyone is petty-minded, i feel the things i hate about myself must actually be things i hate about others, in the fashion of the way i think that the things i hate about others are the things i hate about myself and all of my feelings tell me things, that i need to work on these things, these feelings i can discount all of my feelings as unimportant, and maybe they are, but maybe they aren't. maybe writing them here is stupid, maybe it isn't maybe self-acceptance has more to do with acceptance of others than i've thought 050514 ... anomalous i run around in these circles i told myself years ago i wouldn't 050514 ... anomalous and so i feel disappointed with myself for so many things talking about everything all these things feels like by not voicing i am killing something and by voicing i am killing either way it is a perpetuation 050514 ... anomalous i feel disappointed with my feelings of disappointment i feel i should feel no disappointment i feel i shouldn't feel there is a way i should feel i feel that i feel 050514 ... anomalous all feelings are there to be felt 050514 ... nom i'm not overweight but i could lose some weight 070305 ... listening pre-obese 070305 ... nom i'm not pre-obese i'm non-obese 070306 ... nom not that you were necessarily talking to me, perhaps you were describing yourself i'm obviously a bit defensive 070306 ... nom i'm trying not to hate myself 070306 ... nom and by "describing yourself" i meant your feelings 070306 ... nom i obviously have feelings of obeseness and pre-obeseness even though i am a 'healthy weight',...(which i am still trying to convince myself i am) 070306 ... listening sorry i brought that down upon you nom I was echoing a word that the BMI calculator spat out at me. It was weeks ago, and it keeps spinning round and round in my head. it's making it very hard for me not to hate myself 070306 ... nom sorry 070307 ... nom ... 070307 ... nom please don't hate yourself 070307 what's it to you? who go blather from