again k and again. 010126 ... silentbob painful circle 010303 ... fallen not again ...no not again 010304 ... birdmad the repetition of past mistakes 010423 ... soia never couldn't have said it before and trusted myself now I can never 010423 ... distorted tendencies pleasure_forever 020403 ... Jarec and again i go unnoticed..... 021101 ... DammitJanet i think i'm hitting my second low. the first was the day he tossed me aside. the second is today. maybe it was going to costco that did it. where he goes every weekend. maybe it was seeing marcus obal there. we both had crushes on him. maybe it was the air hockey table i saw just after marcus. he kicked my ass in that game. i even said that out loud, to everyone around me. my first thought was to tell him when i got home, but i can't. we're no longer talking. i suppose i could send him a message and let him know, we don't hate eachother after all. but how pathetic would that be. reaching back because of a place. a guy. and a game. but i did talk to him today afterall. after all i did to stop myself from being pathetic, i found something to say. when we were together he asked for a picture, so i started it. but i didn't know if he still wanted it now, there's no sense in it just sitting there unfinished... right? so i asked him. and even though i couldnt hear the tone in his voice, or his exasperated sighs, i could tell he was being a total jerk. i could picture that look on his face, him putting his hands up in the air annoyed. and it made me mad. over a picture. a question mark. a no. after all i had been through today, i really didn't need that. now i just want to curl up, melt away, and come back again when it's over. 030913 ... DammitJanet today was the first day i didnt think of him. maybe it was a good thing he's a big fucking jerk. it helped me move on. 030914 ... psychobabe never again.. 030915 ... Alvarny Why start again, when I already know how it will end? Because there is a hope that things might be different this time and that I might be wrong.... 050222 ... Syrope i've always wondered that myself now it's different...i can say "i should have stuck to what i said" before, no one had ever said it. 050725 what's it to you? who go blather from