who_were_you_as_a_child kerry a handy little question i keep in my back pocket for those moments that feel lost and directionless. when i feel like i don't know what i'm doing. "happy go lucky," he began, and ended "and he went out into the field and shot himself. and he wrote a letter with his left hand. with his left hand--that's how we knew he was really not himself." 230916 ... raze a curious mixture of carefree and conscientious. in love with the stage, but quiet away from it. happier curled up with a book than in the company of most people. my own best playmate. lungs raw from bronchitis and childhood_asthma. eyes damp with the dew of not knowing and not needing to know. scared less of the dark than by what hid behind it. grass-stained and bent-brained. and always with a song on my lips. 230917 ... ovenbird A ball of pure emotion who spoke every feeling out loud. A lover of books and craft supplies, never happier than when surrounded by glue and popsicle sticks and pom poms and construction paper. I loved to perform (violin, theatre) but was endlessly hard on myself when judging my performances. I never fell asleep at a single sleepover, kept awake by anxious excitement and the press of other bodies around me. I started singing as soon as I discovered my voice, belting out tunes from the toddler seat my dad mounted on his bike, serenading him for the entire ride. I wanted to drown myself in the soft embrace of my collection of stuffed animals. I was easily entranced and quick to cry, quick to moral outrage, quick to heartbreak and quick to laugh. I pretended my bike was a horse and rode it all over the city. I loved the world so much, saw only an endless stretch of summer days and games of tag and climbing the tree in the front yard and Mom calling us in for popsicles and coloring at the backyard picnic table and Dad reading me The Secret Garden (and doing all the accents). I miss that tiny version of me who woke up in the morning believing that goodness was the natural state of the world. She is a remnant of a long gone past but sometimes I still catch a glimpse of her wearing the purple dress with the lace collar that flared out when she twirled. 250427 what's it to you? who go blather from