joke_splicing epitome of incomprehensibility I should have put this here, not in not_quite_truisms, but I am evidently lazy about making new pages: Pizza is like sex; they're both blue, except for the elephant. 131004 ... e_o_i What do you get if you throw an alarm clock out the window? To get to the other side. 131004 ... e_o_i Hm. The above doesn't actually make sense. It should be: Why did Simple Simon throw the alarm clock out the window? To get to the other side. (Who is Simple Simon? He seems preternaturally wise. Is he the same Simon of Simon Says?) 131004 ... e_o_i Q: So, how many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Enough so that time rewinds, that "reverse racism" reverts to its normal place as a concept that may or may not be true, and I am no longer derailing a serious conversation by saying reverse racists believe "all Asians are greedy and all Jews are good at math." Enough so that all the chickens hit by pickup trucks come back to life with Superman's girlfriend, and they do a dance in the middle of the road. Enough so that "I don't know how fast I'm going, but I know where I am!" becomes the punchline to all jokes, and not just the one about the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle with the speeding quantum physicist. When this happens we will return to the singularity of the Big Bang (rather than fast-forwarding to the COOL singularity when robots rule the Earth) and all jokes will be contained in a single point of infinitely dense energy and matter where/when space is indistinguishable from time. Well, you wanted to know. 131022 ... e_o_i Two ghosts walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'm sorry, but all men are cremated equal." At least with nuclear war, there's no change. Why is an empty purse always the same? Because he might wake the sleeping pills. Why did the robber tiptoe into the store? Because it was the lesser of two weevils. That takes the biscuit. But they told him to keep his dissonance. Did you know that young Stravinsky flirted with all the girls in the orchestra? The Aristocrats. Sax and violins on the television? We don't serve spirits here. 140419 ... e_o_i I'm bisexual; I hate everyone equally. You can't divide by the gender binary. How many lightbulbs does it take to divide by zero? Changing the world, one lightbulb at a time. 200128 ... e_o_i If life gives you lemons, change the lightbulb. If lemons give you life, change the channel. What did the snob say about TV? "It's a medium rarely...hey, I ordered lemonade, not a steak dinner. What the hell?" 210723 ... e_o_i Q: If the cognitivists study mental language and the philologists study written language, what do you call a linguist who studies the oral tradition? A: Jesus died for your syntax. ...Also, the cognitivists are just Jackendoff. (Sorry, Jackendoff.) Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: All of them, but they keep saying "They can't, because poles don't have hands." Q: What's if your tongue gets stuck to a Pole? A: A cunning linguist. Q: Where does Santa hang his hat? A: He can't, because he'll eat his words. Q: Hungary? A: You don't know what Europe against. 240126 what's it to you? who go blather from