180 no reason there's someone who wants to visit me but i'm not sure what expectations will be present if they do 121113 ... nr it was so much of a whirlwind thing that i was skeptical of it. you told me you wanted to see me again and you liked me and you were looking forward to me coming home, and i asked you what you liked about me after knowing me for such a short time, and you gave some nice answers. and we talked about in-depth topics and our opinions on them, like relationships and values, really quickly. we texted constantly and saw each other often and you were so refreshingly direct about how you felt. until a few days ago, where something felt off, and now you've retreated a lot. i hadn't been this excited about someone in a long time, and it feels consistently shitty knowing they're backing away/taking away what they gave so quickly. i don't understand how people can switch how they feel so quickly. i guess maybe you were initially excited about how you felt but then felt less so. i don't like the idea of people i like becoming less excited about me, either, but there you have it. fuck. 180618 ... nr i didn't realize i'd started this page already. the first entry is about other_you, before i realized i wanted anything to happen. ha. i'm not sure why i titled this initial page 180, though... 180618 ... nr so many comments about how he wished he was seeing me again already, and how he liked me, and wanted me to like him, and pictured what it would be like to have me with him at an event he was at, and wanting to see me when i got back to town, and many, many more. and then actually picking me up from the airport when i got back, and hanging out again right after that. and then literally a week later, he retreated in what seemed like 24 hours and seems not to really be interested anymore. i've been trying to figure out why this is so hard to deal with... like, harder than some breakups i've had, and we haven't even known each other a month. i really tried not to respond to a lot of his flattery, at least, not quite in kind, because it was so quick, and you (obviously, in his case) never know how someone will feel once they really get to know you. but i couldn't help getting attached, because getting attention like that from someone i click with so quickly and actually feel the same way about is something i don't think has actually happened to me in my adult life. at least, not with someone local and available and on the same page. this just feels different somehow. even though it was brief, i think i felt like i finally had what i've been craving, and i don't know how to deal with it being taken away. 180625 ... nr what's it called when you repeat yourself? a 360? 180625 ... nr i'm still not exactly sure how a person can go from saying that they love you and are so glad to have found you and want to spend their life growing next to you to saying "thanks, friend!" and offering to let you stay in the spare bedroom when you're in town like you're just buddies and it's no big deal and nothing ever happened within four months 190326 ... nr it seems i often deal with this kind of thing, though, so i guess it's common... 190326 ... nr this is my least favourite number. 230701 what's it to you? who go blather from