what_i_wanted_to_be_when_i_grew_up
raze
with
a
bit
of
luck
,
i
thought
i
might
grow
into
something_wild
,
with
beads
of
sweat
on
the
bridge
of
my
nose
and
wet
hair
hot
from
being
baked
by
the
spotlight
.
now
i'm
what
the
wild
things
climb
—
a
walking
,
talking
web
of
vines —
and
i've
come
far
enough
to
understand
that
growth
is
not
a
process
or
a
thing
that
ends
,
but
a
dance
.
it's
what
we
do
in
jagged
steps
when
we're
trying
not
to
trip
over
all
the
roots
and
shoots
half
-hidden
by
the
soil
that
carpets
this
crumbling
world
and
seeps
into
our
dreams
like
a
bazaar
of
peregrines.
251221
...
ovenbird
At
the
age
of
eight
I
had
the
grandiose
dream
of
being
the
youngest author
in
the
world
.
Imagine
my
dismay
when
I
found
a
picture
book
written
by
a
seven
year
old
girl
in
my
public
library
.
My
dream
was
dead
before
it
even
crawled
.
I
was
sure
that
“author”
was
a
title
bestowed
only
on
those
with
an
ISBN
and
a
publisher’s
name
imprinted
on
the
front
page
of
their
mass
produced
books
.
So
I
gave
up
on
being
an
author.
Ultimately
I
’m
not
sure
I
grew
up
.
Instead
I
grew
in
, expanding
all
the
spaces
inside
of
myself
until
I
could
wander
in
there
for
aeons.
My
interior landscapes
are
lonely
and
windswept
and
dotted
with
gorse
and
heather
and
the
trails
are
vague
and
overgrown.
I
wonder
if
I
’ll
lose
myself
on
the
moors
of
my
own
mind
one
day
.
I
wonder
if
I
’ll
meet
a
cliff
face
in
my
sojourning
and
walk
right
over
.
251222
...
warmthofrelease
a
volcanologist
then
a
firefighter
then
a
musician
then
the
best
basketball
player
in
my
neighborhood
then
the
one
that
got
under
her
skirt
then
a
musician
again
then
I
just
wanted
to
fit
in
then
I
just
wanted
to
get
out
then
I
just
wanted
to
start
over
then
I
did
and
I
found
my
same
old
self
again
and
I
started
over
again
and
again
now
I'd
like
to
think
I
know
better
I
don't
want
to
grow
into
anything
I'm
not
but
it
shouldn't
be
a
problem
anymore
I
keep
my
dreams
inside
me
like
dying
love
the
dreams
are
as
subject
to
mortality
as
me
they
only
go
as
far
outside
myself
as
I
allow
every
single
part
of
me
will
be
wasted
then
I
just
wanted
to
grow
up
251222
what's it to you?
who
go
blather
from
