something_wild raze i used to wonder if sammy was really a girl, and if i would lose her before i found out what the deal was one way or the other. it took the better part of a year for her body to let me know my hunch was right. and then i was grateful to have given her a gender-neutral name. some squirrels let me feed them by hand once they get to know me. sammy took it to a different place. she would throw herself at me with two-fisted trust dives that were as gentle as they were daring. i never felt the sharpness of her claws. not once. she fell a few times when i wasn't quick enough to catch her. it didn't matter how bad of a spill she took. she never stopped believing in me. there aren't words for how it feels when something wild makes the choice to form that kind of bond with you. i haven't seen her in a month now. even when she was nursing, it was rare to go a day without a sammy sighting. it hurts to think of her not being here anymore. but i'm beginning to believe she's gone. finding newsom and little_guy in the park, their tiny bodies unmarked but bereft of life, were two of the worst experiences i've ever had. that shit destroyed me. it's different when you don't get to say goodbye. your hope to be reunited gives way to a dull ache nothing can dent. i take some small amount of solace in knowing the last thing she heard before she left me was, "i love you." there won't ever be another living thing like her. 240224 what's it to you? who go blather from