october_4 madness You want to know the sickness that rips around my belly? It's indifference and it's winning one day at a time. It's a thing where I decide that I'm not gonna care, and inside it feels delicious in the way that slashing gashes into my body and watching the blood drip feels delicious. Not caring is never really achieved. It's just a brand new vesion of delusional madness. And everyone knows that madness is so pretty. So much more pretty than addiction. You can take it for walks in the park and show all your friends with blonde hair that curls just at the end, with button up denim imitation shirts and khaki pants. Khaki summer! And they look at your scars and sigh and ask silently "why must you do that, dear?". At that point you remember that really you have no friends and this is why. Friends who won't shut up about those things or commiserate silently are too difficult to bother with. People who stare at you in stores like you must be about to steal something... go ahead and gratiate them. Walk right out the door with their pretty things right in your hand. Oh lucky me, I have the property that I can dress appropriately and look the right way, and be regarded as a totally different person. Oh lucky I'm caught in the ugliness of books by their covers. 10 minutes until I'm obligated to quiet. Better fucking rip it up. 021018 what's it to you? who go blather from