morning_light feminineeffects I wonder what it's like to live truly alone with no animals or ringing phones or people slamming doors. I wonder if you'd have the greatest sleep of all or if it would just be crushing loneliness. 130213 ... raze sometimes i still think about the mythical house in the middle of nowhere, away from everyone and everything. making music, eating, sleeping, dreaming, and little else. not interacting with another soul. some days it's a very appealing thought. but i wonder those same things. would it really be an idyllic existence? or would it be horribly depressing? it probably comes down to how well i really get along with myself when there's nothing to distract me from...me. 130213 ... feminineeffects When he leaves and wants me to "focus on me" and not worry about whatever horror to my senses is happening, I want to make music and be peaceful alone and express who I know to be under this overwhelm. But the overwhelm doesn't go away and it stops me from the energy needed to figure out how to record beautiful output in a pleasing way. I spend the whole opportunity crying or worrying or believing he'll call reformed and ready to love me for me. I could make music in our room now and only be bothering the cat, who won't even be bothered because she's settling into the bathroom to sleep. I need to get a hang of the poetry aspect of writing again, but here's a good first effort in 11 years! 240604 ... raze (i'll say. it's so good to see you here again.) 240604 what's it to you? who go blather from