i_did_not_know kerry the ravine by my childhood home has always felt like a holy place to me. you pull off the busy road and coast alongside it to get to our house and the trees are so tall their branches kiss to form a bottle-green cathedral, blocking the sky. peavine creek trickles down the center, through the kudzu and red clay. when the coyotes were really bad we saw them sprawled out napping on the creek bed. i was walking buster and i was wearing my mom’s faded gray parka with the saggy pockets that hold everything, and i remember it was autumn because the ginkgo tree in buster’s yard was all electric yellow and the floor of the ravine was soggy with fallen leaves. i remember i stepped over a fallen tree. buster hopped. he was a scruffy white terrier. there was a slight change in the air, like i had left the nave and entered the sanctuary, protected by the trees, and i was very light and the leaves were all shimmering coins. and i had the feeling of here i am but not. i know now it’s called jamais_vu. we stood there for several moments, and gradually the edges sharpened and the leaves weren’t coins and the trees were just trees. i did not know then that this was a seizure. 211015 ... kerry months later i was doing 50 down dekalb ave past the old cotton mills in my little silver hatchback with the windows down and i was listening to lucinda williams, “i just wanted to see you so bad” this was when i used to drive, i liked to drive fast with the music loud, i could drive a stick and smoke a joint and talk on the phone at the same time (lord knows how i lives through that) that album, that summer, there was something in her voice... the pitch of it, the layers of sound--voice over guitar over wind whipping in through the windows--i drove through mist though it was summer, hot enough for icy showers, i thought the car had lifted off the ground a bit, maybe i was going to drive up and off into the clouds. i didn’t know i was having a seizure i thought maybe i was dreaming or maybe i was magic 211015 what's it to you? who go blather from