her_name_rhymes_with_angel raze sort of. i had this impression of her as a confident, almost arrogant person, with a great personality you'd probably never get to dive into because of the distancing thing, the "you can't come in because i don't know why but yeah" thing. that is, if you are me. which you're not. unless you are. in which case, go eat something. the other night there was a conversation happening in this cafe place, and there was this person on the outside of the conversation, standing just outside the circle, because there were four of us talking and we were making an informal shape you could call a circle if you felt a need to call it something. she was responding to what i was saying with her face even though i wasn't talking to her and she wasn't talking to anyone, smiling and laughing in all the places you'd hope for someone to smile and laugh. either she knew me somehow or she didn't know me but she was interested in talking to me. i didn't know which one it was. i'm good with faces, and hers looked familiar, but i couldn't place it. i started making eye contact with her, because her eyes seemed to be going for mine anyway. after a while i just came out and asked if i knew her. she told me who she was, and it was the one who didn't seem to want to let me dive in. so we met for the first time with faces and bodies and voices, and i found out what i mistook for intentional distance was shyness, somehow, and maybe anxiety too. i get that. i was sweating more from having to talk to people and act like a natural social creature than i was from getting naked with my clothes on and singing to a room full of them. she has one of the prettiest smiles i've seen in a long time. but i think i'll keep that to myself. 150823 what's it to you? who go blather from