wicker man i can walk beneath the lines on a sheet of paper 011010
argo I can rearrange my ancestors and become smaller 011123
DammitJanet i'm starting to wonder why i even bother
i mean, nothing ever comes
not even in this way
i just want to delete everything
delete my life
and people ask why i'm negative
and people say it'll happen soon
and people comment on why it will
and people question the world on my behalf
and these people just don't understand
i'm not like you
i'm nothing like you
it's completely different for me
you don't know what it's like
and you never will
to be in this body and consumed by this mind
because things come up for you
they go your way
sometimes i just want to tell everyone to fuck off
and leave me alone
so i can crawl up inside myself
and never come out
but then i wonder how i can live like that
and how can i just live
so i long to be a different person
someone who can't feel
someone who can't be hurt
someone who can't even love
right now i'm jealous of that life
because i can never have it
belly fire talk to me
talk to me
you don't know what it is to be me
this is not happiness
this is the pause button on everything that is totally fucked about being me
just pause
when you're me you lose everything
DammitJanet no

not until i figure it out for myself
from now on how low can i go 041020
bauxxx And so I am. 071210
unhinged yes
i am

it is only the beginning of winter
and it has already infected me
with it's cold greyness

and my students keep dropping like flies
which causes me to worry about money
which is the basest of worries
will i have enough to eat?
which little luxuries will i have to cut out?
which ones are little luxuries?

when i have to rearrange
my need list
my want list
when needs become wants
that makes me low
what's it to you?
who go