attached bespeckled It's not because I'm on my period. It's because I'm getting too damn attached, just like I knew I would and just like I didn't want to. There'd be no harm in getting attached if I was anyone but me. But I'm me. And you'll break my heart without even realizing it, with a shift in your gaze or an angry response. And I'll be dust, and I'll be cursing myself for letting my emotions grow into what I'd forbidden them to be. Don't you understand that I want to be close to you? That I want to wish for something better because I love you and because you mean so much to my heart? But I can't, because of who you are and how fragile I am and what you'll do to my heart and spirit. You think I'm strong; I'm not. The wrong word from you will send me reeling. And a person like you can't be required to keep their actions in check. You are uncontrollable; I love you for it, but it creates my pain. Ah, beautiful_man, you bend my heart. 020929 ... DammitJanet he just sits there perfectly still, staring right at me, even though his eyes are looking the other way. he's not yet finished. his face is there but his mask is not, it's in a perpetual state of chaos. when the lights are out he becomes invisible but i know he's still there. but he's not where he's supposed to be. i find this quite upsetting, even after all this time. after all this time that he's been carelessly misplaced. the more i see red, the more upset i become. red becomes the focus and i see it in my anger. i step into that room where he sits, where time has stood still. and for a while i get to skip reality. jump into that blue mess and swim around as if nothing is wrong. it kills me that i care, for i shouldn't. but i've become attached. 030128 ... Cicero Dear God, release me! 030227 ... Black Argonaut I was attached to a girl one time. Some could say that we were in love. But that was ages ago, and I find that I am only now recovering from her loss. She's gone, but sometimes I still miss her. Attachment is beautiful when it's there, death when it is broken. 030228 ... Mandy if it looks like i am, i'm not. i don't know how to be. 030301 what's it to you? who go blather from