smathryn belly fire I have these bursts now and then (lately, more and more often) where I just need to sit down and talk with you for hours and hours. Not about the weather or how work is...any of that shit. I just CRAVE to sit down and hear you talk with me about ourselves and where we are. What we think about. Things that make us laugh and remind us how good we have it. Last week I laid in bed with Trevor and was re-telling a horrible story I heard on the news. Afterwards we were quiet for many minutes and I said, "The world is a horrible place, Trevor." and he answered, "We should be grateful for who we are...where we are. Grateful that we have each other." I thought of you then. So here you are starting this new relationship and I worry about you. I worry that you will leave out the bad details, that you won't tell me everything. I worry that you believe I think everything is perfect. I am grateful for our closeness, our almost complete disclosure of our lives (barring the odd exception), but I feel you pull away when a guy comes along and it makes me wonder if you are being treated right. Are you being treated right? Anyway, it's not just that. Mostly it's this need I have to be close to you. I don't want things to be perfect I just want to hear your voice sometimes. I'm still getting used to living without you. 040528 what's it to you? who go blather from