plaguebearer misstree the mental sting is much worse than the physical. i remember a sex ed teacher telling us how a friend of hers had to take a bath in ice water in order to urinate, because the pain was so bad. from experience, i'd say her friend had a bad urinary tract infection, not herpes. but these recurring... lesions... the insistent sharp bite that reminds me, that there is no stopping it, no safe_sex, no cure. it is a dark stain on the floor, scrubbed to splinters. it's a constant reminder, and it brings its little brother that leaves the back door open for cancer. and every time someone draws that secret smile from me, every time the lurid heat grows, i remember. i feel it crawling in my groin, a worm, a disease, hungry to disgrace another, make another plaguebearer, mark another with the only form of repercussion the universe could find without the damage of death. i should count myself lucky that it was the one-two punch instead of the juggernaut of hiv. one hurts, bad, at inconvenient times, but can be lived through. the other... cancer runs like wildfire in my family, but 60% of sexually active females have it. but it's always a dirty little secret, an unwanted gift, a needle deep, a hungry plague reaching out for lovers before my fingers ever brush their flesh. and it's left me confused and alone and abstinent, until i can figure out whether i really do want to go to heaven_or_hell. what_price_virtue? 050722 ... PeeT i wish i could learn that giving is asking for a price to be paid, except it is your self you are asking. 120819 what's it to you? who go blather from