late_i'm_late_at_telling_others_how_to_live_ amy in red i can see trying to get people to understand how to think, so that they might do it on their own someday. i can see trying to get people to make decisions so they don't die horrible deaths, i can see the impulse, but i also see the futile enterprise. i can see bragging about how great your own life is to inspire others to live such a great life also, because so many people are too busy wasting their lives on other, lamer work and pasttimes. i can see explaining how trouble is gotten into, so easily, so inescapably in certain fateful times and places, and setting it to song, dance, entertainment. actually, i can't see anything, honestly. i can only see me and what i need to know about my psychotic, sociopathic self. how could i be attracted to (this, that, the other)? why couldn't i stay away? if i knew a few good things, why couldn't i stay with them..... do i know how i got here. how did i get here, the first time i got here, and what was it that clicked in me to turn, only to turn again and again and again, this way? must i always tilt left to counteract this mucha, macho right leaning thing. do i care to be by anybody ever again, knowing what i know about myself. i think it's doubtful. i think i have to begin again. a logic class at 40, personally worth more or less than a logic class at 23. ah, too late. ( i already took one at 23. ) it's too late to be 23, just in general principle, altogether. i think any time i spent being roughly 23 after actually being that age is pretty much just a riff on the unfulfilled promiseland. snap! there you go. you can think. 120503 what's it to you? who go blather from