if_he_was_a_fish c r 0 w l if he was a fish he rarely thought about it, vaguely aware of the impetus by which his life was vanishing, slowly erasing like an unshaken etch-a-sketch. but, if it was bubbles he needed to release, friction produced, waves stirred, he would do it and was accounted for and available beyond what was expected. 080121 ... c r 0 w l pressed down tightly inside him like a jack-in-the-box, the paranoia of being caught was a perpetual, nagging concern. the creepy music tinked away one plink at a time threatening his fragile existence. even so, he swam confidently like one with a steel hook in his mouth. and he knew his way through the net. when other finbacks saw him make his wriggling escape, they died valiantly, wishing they could be like him. when they dreamt the bright colors of his tail flashed like the mysterious movement of light upon the wrinkling of water. how does he do it? "is he the one we should follow?" the other young fish asked, seeking one who they could call their inspiration. "no!" their parents would shout, many of them being pulled out of the water, fighting the hook or tumbling about defenseless in the net. to them the question seemed to be a curse that was uttered or an out of control fire started. yet, even in his freedom he asked himself if he could ever relax. today i can, he thought. today i am not packed on ice with my mouth open and my eyes clouded. today i am alive. "how did you do it?" again the question he was asked so many times he had no number to calculate it. he told no one. but this was how he did it: he wasn't real. he was just something they made up. 080122 ... PeeT then he was in school turning when others turned, first this way, then that, but suddenly he was gone, off by himself. what was that shiny thing?! 120910 what's it to you? who go blather from