hockey_skates tender_square she prepared her salad at the counter, willing herself not to cry. he would be leaving soon, and she could wait until the door had closed and she was alone to feel her feels. it wasn’t that she was sad that he was leaving her alone, exactly. it was more that being without him for short periods was like a trial run of the real thing. she took a bag of recycling to the curb as he loaded the car, smiling and kissing him before his skating lesson. “you’ll have fun,” she assured him. “we’ll see,” he said. then, he was gone. the tears she had been saving weren’t as readily available as they’d been moments before. she made herself cry anyway, to dispel the sadness from her before he returned, and felt silly for it, like she was forcing herself to be silk when she preferred to be cast-iron. she decided to put the stereo on, at a volume she preferred. she didn’t have to be quiet now that he was gone. it might annoy her neighbor who was outside working on his cars, but so what? she thumbed open the “failer” disc, loaded it in the cd player and skipped ahead to track three. “do you wish that your nose were longer, so you’d have a reason not to see past it?” she sang with kathleen edwards, off-key. inside their bedroom, she folded her worn sweaters from the days prior. she sniffed at his pillow because she could. kathleen moaned, “i’m so tired of playing defense and i don’t even have hockey skates.” she bent herself at the waist on his side of the bed and rested her head against his cushion in weariness. she wouldn’t allow herself to linger, brought her focus back to tidying, back to putting soft things away in their proper places. she wished it were as easy or her to put herself back together the same way. 220322 ... past even kathleen edwards has had a few runs at the world. after giving up on music she opened a coffee shop in nearby here called "quitters." earlier this month she sold it to a localish roastery to move on to her next big thing (back to music). she handed the keys to the new owners, leaving a note to her patrons: "always be a work in progress." 220322 what's it to you? who go blather from