ever_growing_conflict Sonya My college classes start back up in 3 days. I am actually worried about it now. I'm scared that I've lost my touch...that I've lost the edge I carried so long that won me praise and stretched my ambition even farther. I've met someone new, but I'm so fucked up because of what -he- did to me that I can't give this guy a real chance yet. So it's like I'm holding him at arm's length and being wishy washy about everything and it's not fair to him. Damn you for making me so emotionally dysfunctional with your selfishness. I really like this guy too. I'm still deathly terrified. I question his intentions and everything under the sun. I might as well be the Spanish Inquisition at this point. I find myself begging my heart to let me be open again and free as I used to be. This cannot be though. You still plague my thoughts. The painful memories of you being a complete asshole just come to mind. I find myself wishing you would go through the pain you have put me through, and even find myself wishing someone would treat you as badly as you treated me. The truth was never fully available to me from you, was it? The only thing I can do now is just hope that I'm not playing with fire. Maybe at this point I don't care. Maybe I just want my small bits of happiness here and there. 050815 what's it to you? who go blather from