bite_your_tongue tender_square “these croissants have 45% of your daily saturated fat!” i shoved a corner into my mouth and chewed as he drove east on washtenaw. “why is it so high?” “it’s all the butter, babe. that’s what gives it the lamination.” i was using terminology i’ve heard from the judges of bake off. “what’s that?” i swallowed another mouthful while we stopped at the red light. “it’s what forms all the layers.” i held out my half-eaten crescent, pointed my finger along the stripes. “well that sounds like it was made up in the last five years.” “it isn’t.” i was quick and curt. said the words with a mouth full. after a pause he said, “that sounded like a ‘you can shut up now.’” he was hurt. “i feel like that’s been happening a lot more lately.” “i guess?” he had a fair point, i have been snippy. “i mean, sometimes it feels like you have to comment on everything. i felt like you were doubting me or something.” i didn’t know how to explain what i was feeling exactly. “i’m sorry if i snapped.” when we arrived at the gas station, he got out of the car, leaving me to my thoughts, my doubts. on the way back home i asked, “are we okay?” “i guess?” “well, ‘i guess’ doesn’t sound very encouraging. talk to me.” “i just don’t understand why,” he sighed. “i wasn’t making a comment about you.” “i know; it’s my own stuff. maybe i thought that by you saying that this sounded like some new term i thought you were being critical of it and it made me feel that, by extension, you were being critical of me for using it.” “that doesn’t make sense to me, but okay.” i know how misunderstood he feels and how much it bothers him when people put words into his mouth. at home we went to our separate corners, we didn’t speak. i can see how i arrived here, however much of a leap i may be taking; how every complaint he makes about the culture could make me believe that if his commentary is about the inanity of something, and i’m the one who is aligned with the culture, then suddenly we’re on opposite sides, and i’m being judged. in my head i know he’s not saying that, but that’s how it feels. 211121 what's it to you? who go blather from