always_will_be Bizzar you have always been. i didn't know it then. i wanted it to be so. but i didn't know. i didn't think i would ever get to know you the way i wanted to. i knew you well, sure. i knew your interests, i knew your heart - so full of love for everyone around you, aching to save everyone. i knew your beauty. i knew your strength, your resilience, though it saddened me to know these things, to see you suffer travesty in the way that built them. but i had never tasted your kiss. never traveled your body with my hands. never pressed my forehead to yours - seen your eyes from that angle, or the way they whisper "i love you". i had never felt your hands in my hair, or your lips on my shoulder, or your breath in my ear. i had never seen your hungry gaze, felt the warmth it brings. though i imagined these things often enough. so often that it sometimes felt like i had. i didn't know. i didn't know it was possible to mourn something you never lost, because you never had it to begin with. but that's the only way i can describe what it felt like to love you then. to love a you i had ever had. a you that i wanted so badly. a you i ached for. a you that wasn't meant for me. i often wonder at what point it might start to feel real. like these moments aren't only dreams anymore. will it take as long as the dreams have existed? do i need to live them out longer than i've dreamed them to convince my heart it no longer needs to weep for you? i can never do it justice. no matter how hard i try, my words fail to convey the intensity of this feeling, this gratitude. having something i lost - something i never had - returned to me. my_person. my always_will_be 220318 ... raze (this is so beautiful. i just wanted to say that. thank you for sharing your heart with all of us.) 220319 ... Biz thank you, raze. this one… i cried writing it. 220320 what's it to you? who go blather from