terrified_of_being_me unhinged cause obviously that isn't good enough 071118 ... unhinged or too good? too sweet too friendly too loving how is that shit possible? and then there are sparse moments that make it worth it; that prove to me that love and persistence actually do some good in the world. we had decided to drive the five hours to visit him in harrisburg. he called several times, in disbelief. 'you guys are actually coming?' 'why would we say we were if we weren't?' 'well i just wanted to tell you something. back in the day when i was going through all that shit, i was a selfish asshole. i only thought about myself. but you helped me. i couldn't say that back then, but i just wanted to say thank you now. i love you.' (sic) i had to choke back tears. 'yeah, i love you too.' 'are you crying?' 'no. no. why would i be crying?' 'don't cry. i love you.' and i would still drive all that way. *sigh* 071118 ... unhinged rejected yet again. it took me months to let myself out because right before we met someone else had dumped me. after the real me was more apparent he wanted to be friends but i dont torture myself like that anymore. once again, who i am wasnt good enough. the only reason i could get out of him: 'you arent enough like my ex' i am not going to pretend. i am not going to expose my soft parts for people to rip to shreds like that. 140729 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Sometimes. Sometimes it's because I'm afraid other people won't like me. Other times I'm afraid I won't like myself. Either way, I should let go of the idea. 140729 what's it to you? who go blather from