oversharing kerry the_guy_from_the_train and paloma and i have claimed the far corner of the bar at dirty frank's. as usual he has a high life, she is so indecisive she hasn't ordered anything after 20 minutes and probably won't at all, and i have a sweaty can of two-hearted IPA. $7 for a can of beer, it's outrageous, right now a saran-wrapped box of mushrooms is $10 and i don't even know how much a half-dozen eggs cost, just that it's more than i can spend. but the heat is oppressive, i'm sitting between two beloveds, and i want to drink something i like. someone brings up frappuccinos. she's never ordered one but she sees them in the hands of teenagers, not even brown anymore but shades of pink and green and blue, sprinkled, syrupy, it's a coffee sacrilege. i'm not drunk but the thought of frappuccinos floods me with memories of college, just beginning to caffeinate, lying in bed miserable and staring at the glow in the dark star stickers on the ceiling in my dormroom, barely eating, riding home nearly every afternoon. the memories burst out of my mouth. "i used to drink them ALL the TIME," i say, and she starts laughing, she's in disbelief, like all of a sudden this silly confession has called into question all she thought she knew about me. "no way!" "i did," i say. "i was eighteen and suicidal and i drank so many mocha chip frappuccinos!" he's standing behind me. he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me gently to his chest. "were you really?" "sure," i say. why is this such a surprise? i realize i'm sitting between two people who have never wanted to turn off the lights, never stood on a balcony in a tall building and looked down at the sidewalk and thought what if and how long would it take and would time slow down, never stepped in front of a car and then kept walking rattled and light-headed as if nothing just happened. it seems so normal to me. 230728 ... editor-kerry *(nearly every weekend, that is) 230728 what's it to you? who go blather from