it's_ours bijou a near miss or a close call? dirty mattress, drafty room, snoring punks drunk and passed out all around us. somehow we claimed the bed. cocaine headache, dry lips and tounge aching and so far past tired. faces pressed tight together eyelashes teasing cheeks as always. we talked more seriously and honestly about our situation than we ever have. you do love me and i knew but i never heard it until now. i knew i could make you come this time. the death, it tastes like blood in my mouth and warm in my throat. i whispered evil into your ears. "and in the same confusing breath you pull away and draw me in. i wanted you, you wanted more. i built this life and now it's mine." 020407 ... bijou $ 020409 ... kerry yellow brick outside and sky blue inside warped laminate floors pink and white 50s tile, some cracking, the kind we had in my house as a kid (we called it "the blue bathroom") ancient plaster walls unusually vicious rosebush i found st joseph buried in the garden and a palmful of pills in a kitchen cabinet scrubbing the death out of this old house i still find little spots, things i missed and then there's the mail, bills, turnpike speeding tickets, credit card offers that come for this dead man. but the fig tree is already growing back 210804 ... unhinged the way you hung my painting on your wall added something new 210805 what's it to you? who go blather from