tomorrow_a_new_point_of_view this should be rillian we took you to the airport in the darkness before the sun kept the promise it made twilight last when redness hung like ribbons, sliced for effect. i was stuck in dreams, moving quickly in my thoughts like the traffic. there was no random security check. i wondered what they would find if they did look? like the time in canada when they found a bag of vitamin c powder and suspected it was blow. even tasted it. they might find goat shit. we dropped you off and we hugged, taking turns, trading seconds for lifetimes. off you go back to another world, leaving us with the drama of keeping my mother happy. how will we do it? by encouraging her to come and see you? no. we do it by doing the things we do. being. being alive in the place where people have died. on we went back home and the sun rose, turning puffy black clouds orange. i thought of all the things i could have said to you, but didn't. why? why is silence so eager to hold my mouth shut? what does it want from me? i want you to come back home and live here. what do you want me to do? we crawled back into bed and slept next to the fire. cats purred. dogs licked snow. when we started the day for the second time we thought back on your departure like someone else had done it. someone who was getting paid. someone whose job it was to drive people away from the ones who desperately need them. why does beauty leave? how can we stop it from fading? 031229 what's it to you? who go blather from