the_worst_gum_in_the_world raze i have in my possession half a dozen pieces of the worst gum in the world. you wouldn't know it to look at it. each piece looks exactly like an inoffensive purple chiclet. but these are no chiclets. and there's no trace of anything grape-like in their taste. some years back, i was leaving the mall when i saw a gumball machine filled with the purple things. a bit of childhood nostalgia kicked in. memories of chewing on giant peach gumballs. i put a quarter in the coin slot, turned the metal handle clockwise, heard the comforting clatter of gum passing through the chute, and pulled up the flap to take what was mine. purple goodness. at home i had a piece, and my dad had a piece. i can't remember the taste well enough to describe it. what i remember is that after fifteen or twenty seconds, both of our mouths were so traumatized we had to spit our respective pieces of gum into the garbage. we went on spitting and trying to chase that awful taste away for a long time. it had legs. magnificent, terrible, sturdy legs content to jog in place on an unwitting tongue all night long. in the years since, i've kept the rest of that gum, only gradually coming to understand the powerful weaponry i have at my disposal. the surviving tiny purple monstrosities have been stored in the inside pocket of my leather jacket, waiting for the day when someone i despise asks, "do you have a piece of gum?" and an evil smile fights to pull my lips apart as i reach for my pocket and say, "sure thing...here you go..." i haven't found the right person to share such an intimate moment with yet. but i'm confident i will, when the time is right. 130708 what's it to you? who go blather from