one_with_the_freaks tender square it has to have been a couple of years since i last heard this song; stumbling upon it again last night was a comfort i didn’t know i needed. as if nearly twenty years hadn’t passed, my body burst into a dance i couldn’t contain. shawn had put it on a mix tape for me when i was 18, the first mix anyone had ever made for me, smack dab in the middle of side 2. it starts slow and sparse, with crunchy electronic drums and a wavering guitar line before markus acher starts to sing: “you’ll no longer be kissed and kind as you long for intuition as you have to learn the lesson twice you’ll no longer be kissed and kind as you long for intuition as you have to say the password twice have you ever, have you ever been all messed up? have you ever?” then the song breaks into a full-fledged anthem—the guitars and drums filling any space that previously existed. i remember rewinding the tape after hearing it for the first time in my car because i couldn’t quite fathom what had hit me, how much this song spoke to what i was feeling, and i needed to experience it again. and again. and again. shawn would be a pain in the ass about playing it for me at the loop when i’d request it, since the song’s slow start was long and not quite conducive to others dancing. it never mattered to me, i could move to anything; i wanted the fogged-up dancefloor for myself so i could live in this song and flail and grasp for something approximating meaning. it’d drive me nuts when he’d cut right to the drop, eliminating the build-up in the beginning that made the chorus so incantatory. have you ever been all messed up? 210909 what's it to you? who go blather from