new_friend kali and now i fear i will lose her. and we get along so well. i am not selfish. i am just lonely and emotionally detached. 011008 ... pilgrim You never Really Know who your Freinds are. Only Time does Tell. 020328 ... kerry often a delicate process, making a new friend. i find myself examining, evaluating. maybe she does too. we went to a southern-style restaurant, four of us. i showed up feeling horribly underdressed in what i thought was a crisp-enough t-shirt and shorts, new dangly earrings in the shape of teeth that claire gave me. what does it say about me that a t-shirt can be made to look "nice," because it's clean and unwrinkled and fits well? working in a shelter, and then remotely, changed my idea of what a wardrobe should? would? can? look like. i got to a place where i had my "shelter clothes," plain and bleach-spotted and ill-fitting, and a couple of button downs to rotate--things that made me look like "adult." anything tight makes me feel naked. wearing a dress, i feel like i'm in drag. sandals are impractical if you take public transit, and so are skirts, which tend to flutter up marilyn monroe-style. pockets are essential. so i sit with these women, feeling adolescent and tone-deaf, and two of them are actively dating, are frustrated by constant creeps, and this potential but suspicious new friend is asked about her "type," which is vaguely nauseating. she says "introspective academic-types" and without thinking, i groan and say "oh goddd, blehhh!" i'm practically projectile vomiting, pleading "kill me now," and i hope she's taking it as a joke (which it isn't), and they all laugh, and the tall one tosses me a life raft, saying, "so you like 'em dumb, eh?" "exactly!" 220723 ... kerry before the pandemic she and her boyfriend hosted monthly game nights. they did a weekly restaurant rotation. this weekend is "shakespeare in the park," where you can see a revised, feminist version of "the taming of the shrew," and perhaps we can get cocktails before or after. her brows are carefully drawn on, a black eyeliner like a tiny wing from the corner of each eye. she orders orange wine, which is apparently a THING now, and asks the server archly how big is the lobster bisque, and yes that will do, and a salad, dressing on the side please. i am sitting surprised by my own judgment. why on earth would you order a $15 salad when you can make one for next-to-nothing at home? (and yes, i have ordered salad at a restaurant myself.) the bisque is an appetizer, expect it to be small (though it is a perfectly fair question). the orange wine, that's okay--i am curious too. how will i make friends if i am the weirdo in the corner wearing earrings shaped like teeth and ordering cornbread because i ate dinner at home to save a few bucks? 220723 what's it to you? who go blather from