leaving_las_vegas vulgar I've come here to drink myself to death. Is drinking a way of killing myself, or is killing myself a way of drinking? 060325 ... Jarec You can never, never ask me to stop drinking. Do you understand? 060325 ... vulgar How do you feel? Like the kling klang king of the rim ram room! 060326 ... Jarec That's nice talk, Ben - keep drinking. Between the 101-proof breath and the occasional bits of drool, some interesting words come out. 060326 ... vulgar Are you desirable? Are you irresistible? Maybe if you drank bourbon with me, it would help. Maybe if you kissed me and I could taste the sting in your mouth it would help. If you drank bourbon with me naked. If you smelled of bourbon as you fucked me, it would help. It would increase my esteem for you. If you poured bourbon onto your naked body and said to me "drink this". If you spread your legs and you had bourbon dripping from your breasts and your pussy and said "drink here" then I could fall in love with you. Because then I would have a purpose. To clean you up and that, that would prove that I'm worth something. I'd lick you clean so that you could go away and fuck someone else. 060326 ... raze barely thirteen and searching for softcore skin flicks on my stepfather's battered brown tv set late one weekend night, i landed on this instead. it was the first film to make me physically uncomfortable. "we might be alcoholics," josh would say six years later. "but we're not quite benjamin." he tried to make a joke out of someone else's misery. i didn't laugh. it hurt to watch two flawed but fundamentally decent people walk through hell together. i didn't see elizabeth shue on the screen. i saw sera. and whatever cinematic sins nicolas cage has committed since, this performance cancels them all out. i'm not sure i'll ever be able to make myself sit through it again. but every humiliation, every twitch and tiny moment of grace is burned into my brain. 250208 what's it to you? who go blather from