fight_or_flight unhinged i am flooded with adrenaline right now. all the time. my anxiety is spiraling out of control again cause i fell off the daily yoga meditation bandwagon. now id rather drink and smoke to fool my brain into thinking my kidneys have settled down 170327 ... tender_square a four-day holiday weekend leaves you spiraling out of regular formation. the crisis remains while you wait for those you've relied on, the people you've paid for to help you address the problem, to return from their vacations, their freewheeling good times. meanwhile, you've been running through all possible scenarios in your head during the inertia, a red-eyed conspiracy theorist who can't sleep most nights and pours over pictures and placing red string. what if? what if? what if? your confidants ask whether you will stay or leave and you don't know. in a book about women and wounds you read about images of the perverted old man haunting the dreams of women who are not courageous enough to make firm decisions. he gropes them, he's nasty towards them. that's what this is; the tenant as metaphorical manifestation of this concept. if you back down, you know you'll never integrate your personality, the parts that acquiesce to others, the parts that rely so heavily on approval. it's not just about defending your property and documenting the results; you have to confront what has concretized before you in order to grow. 230409 what's it to you? who go blather from