ambulatory jane i get it now. i get why people just get tired and kill themselves. it's nothing against them. they just start celebrating some major life decision and realize that their best friend hasn't returned text messages in over a week, and they start thinking about what our reasons for living are. because if i'm here JUST to make another person happy (i.e. my kid, my dog, my goddamn "friend") then doesn't that mean i'm doing it wrong? shouldn't i be here to make myself happy? and if not, i defer to the prior question. is simply BEING the value of one's character? am i simply experiencing the oft-mentioned buyers remorse? my purchase doesn't make me feel any less willing or able to pick up everything (what is "everything"?) and run away from a life. i have never felt more than 6 inches from that. responsibility is ephemeral. so is the way i kissed her. we simply move on from that. regardless of temperature or humidity; we move on. the feel of her lips upon mine is irrelevant. forget poetic license. her job continues and i focus on the lines in the road as i drive myself home, after finishing seven glasses of champagne. she has conquered me. she could tell me the lines are a foot to the left and i would believe her. she has given me all the space and time i have ever requested. i will kiss her to the moon. but that means nothing. 150812 ... leif . (I can't drive alone because the lines are too easy to cross) 150813 what's it to you? who go blather from